I went to an ex’s funeral…and here’s how it went

Let me be clear. Notice I didn’t say “My” ex’s funeral?

The funeral I went to was for my BOYFRIEND’s ex-girlfriend.

I know, I know. This is a very awkward statement, let alone being at the actual funeral.

But- all funerals are awkward, aren’t they?

You never really know how to act. You get to the funeral, and sometimes you see people laughing together as if they are using the time to reconcile. Humans hate seeing other humans cry. It makes us feel…awkward. I guess it depends who you are to the person who passed is how you’ll act at a funeral.

“I guess it depends who you are to the person who passed”…

Who is the ex-girlfriend to me? How am I supposed to act? There isn’t a book on how to do this.

When me and my boyfriend first found out she died, I believe my boyfriend, we’ll call him Morgan, tried to phase it out. Almost like…he was unsure whether he should care.

They dated on and off for years. He broke it off due to complications. When me and Morgan met, they were freshly broken up.

The night we found out; we were sleeping. We were startled by the loud siren coming out of his phone. Within seconds it was blurted out. Rissa died.

I was shocked, confused, concerned, and sad. Sad for Morgan.

Surprisingly, we went back to sleep.

The next day was “almost” normal. Except all the phone calls Morgan had with Rissa’s family and their mutual friends.

And there I was…knowing it isn’t about me anymore. Not for a while.

I was pained. I didn’t know what to think. I thought so many things. All negative things. I felt like I was losing him. I felt confused. I knew this was temporary. But boy was it fucking hard for me to live through.

I asked myself so many questions. Probably the same ones you are asking yourself right now.

The truth is the whole thing was sad. Death is so fucking sad. Especially when the death was NOT expected. Her death was unavoidable and unexpected.

The day of the funeral was…awkward. There must’ve been 100-200 people there. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. And yes, they all knew I was the New Girlfriend. There was a line to meet with the parents. Morgan and I both stood in this line. I hugged her mom.

For everyone watching me, the looks I saw were very unconventional. It’s not every day the New Girlfriend goes to the Old Girlfriend’s funeral.

Morgan didn’t cry at the funeral. But I could tell he wanted to.

He tried to be strong for me, I think.

At the time of her death, I had only known Morgan for about a year. I knew I loved him, though. I didn’t leave him because I tried to put my feet in his shoes. He is a good man. He cared for his ex, and that’s ok. It’s ok. He did the right thing. I think Morgan would have regrets if he didn’t go to her funeral, and I did NOT want to be the reason he didn’t go.

Going to an ex’s funeral is never easy.

If your partner ever feels threatened, reassure them. If your partner feels confused, support them.

Reassure them consistently. For a very long time after the funeral, I gave Morgan hell for going to the funeral. I let him know how ALONE I felt. I let him know how ABANDONED and MAD, and EMBARRASED I was. Trust me, those feelings WERE there during the whole time. It was rough.

But…I know I did the right thing by being supportive. Did he still love her? Maybe. Does he still love her? Possibly. DOES HE HAVE REGRETS? Not likely. And that’s all that matters.

Her name hasn’t been brought up since the week of her death, two years ago. Time healed our wounds.

Tell me a time something similar happened to you?

One thought on “I went to an ex’s funeral…and here’s how it went

  1. You have a strong heart, knowing the death was bigger than all of you. Trust in your relationship and let the grief move through your love. If we don’t allow people to share their grief– no matter how it comes out — its left to fester and grow into something worse. Good for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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